


Anniversary

by wrttn_word



Series: And Believe, There's More [13]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Cute, M/M, Sad, cal just wanted an anniversary, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 09:55:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19827721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrttn_word/pseuds/wrttn_word
Summary: And with a phone call, there was a distance.





	Anniversary

The light in Calum’s eyes was soft. Brown eyes looking up into the sky as the sun touched noon.   
He was lonely in a crowd of people, surrounded on every side but so very alone in his head, even as his thoughts bustled around. 

It felt like a busy street, ideas bumping into each other like strangers do, dropping papers and ‘I miss you’s all over the sidewalk.   
He was signing posters and phone cases and shirts in each moment, posing for pictures with a smile that was a little too practiced and far too realistic.

That day was supposed to be special, sacred, and yet there were hundreds of people covered in sweat and not nearly enough clothing for his liking. The summer sun was glaring overhead with the stage over to his right, metal and scintillatingly reflecting rays over the crowd.   
Luke was thriving to his left, a lovely smile not yet having left his lips, with Michael next in line with an expression to match. 

Ashton could almost feel Calum’s eyes in him, soft brown drawing hazel to meet in the middle with a look of mild hurt and disappointment.

It was their anniversary. Three years they had been together, living in secret and hiding feelings for so long that it felt like the flame was attempting to put itself out.   
The closet was so dark, and Calum felt suffocated by it, yet management had no time for the scandal their relationship would cause. The world would go into uproar, the sales and support for their new album would plummet and no matter how true Calum knew it to be, he wanted to hold his boyfriend’s hand in a restaurant. Just once. 

* 

They had woken up that morning in a tangle of sheets, limbs and love.   
“Good morning, poppet.” Ashton’s voice had been gruff with sleep, now red hair a mess on top of his head. 

The sleepy smile that Cal had returned was nothing short of breathtaking, leaving Ashton with a warmth in his chest and the need to hold him a little closer.  
“Happy three years.” 

The morning from there had been chaos, a call from Luke had informed them of a moved meet and greet at a stadium in downtown LA. It was supposed be casual, just a few dozen fans strolling through for pictures before a show the next week. 

This had been their first free meet and greet in years, and the fans did not take the chance lightly. They had shown up in hordes, nearly trampling the band on their way to the tables. 

There had been a crestfallen look that was thinly concealed in Calum’s face as they hung up the phone.   
The day was supposed to be theirs, only theirs. They had planned a day in, with movies and romance, of which only they knew the itinerary.   
He had been looking forward to it for weeks, desperately needing a break from the constant stress and separation from Ashton that came with tour. Even though they were together for nearly every moment, the space set between them by management was crushing and left them both lonesome. 

Ashton knew that Calum would retreat from him later that day, that he would go to touch him and he would step back.   
“You could’ve told them we couldn’t come,” he would say. “This was supposed to be ours.”   
Even at the thought, Ashton’s heart started to break.   
There was a level of importance that Calum placed in things like this that Ashton did not, but he still put forth a valiant effort to give Calum the things he wanted for anniversaries.   
There was nothing more he could do. He would give up the world for him, if he’d only just asked. 

* 

It was late when they got home, and Calum hadn’t spoken a word since they left the venue. Ashton was a little hurt, wanting to comfort his boyfriend but unsure of how to approach him in such a wounded state. 

As they walked through the door, there was a shift in the air. The tenseness in Calum’s shoulders melted and he seemed to wilt, sunny disposition dissipating. His feet carried him as far as the kitchen before he turned to face Ashton.

“I just wanted to spend time with you.” 

His eyes were watering as he looked at the man in front of him, hazel orbs wide and seemingly innocent.  
“All I wanted was to spend time with you and they couldn’t even let me have that.” 

Calum looked a hundred shades of unstable, hands shaking slightly and eyes reddening as he rubbed them to try and forced the angry tears to evaporate.   
Ashton stood quietly, cautious to make a move in fear of shattering some delicate balance he was unaware of. 

“It’s our fucking anniversary, Ashy, and all I wanted was to be able to spend it with you.” 

It had been their first date the last time Ashton had been called that, and it was a sure sign of something akin to a meltdown. 

It took moments for Calum to go to Ashton, hands limply reaching for him in search of any form of comfort.   
There wasn’t a beat missed as Ashton intertwined their fingers, pulling him closer. 

“I know, Cal, I know.”   
Calum leaned his head forward into Ashton’s shoulder as they started to sway, wanting nothing more than an intimate moment of quiet. 

They stayed there for what could’ve been hours, or minutes, or days, lost in what felt like falling apart but falling in love all together. 

Calum pulled away from him first, gently releasing his hand from Ashton’s.  
“I’m sorry.” 

The apology had taken Ashton by surprise, and his expression showed it clearly.  
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, poppet.” 

Calum was already starting his way to their bedroom, shoulders hunched with a frown on his lips. His body language screamed of discomfort and sadness, and Ashton longed to chase those feelings away as he replaced them with safety and happiness. 

“I overreacted. You don’t seem that torn up about it, it can’t be that big of a deal.” 

Ashton was forever the more rational of the two, thinking things over a hundred times before committing to a course of action.  
Yet, it seemed clear that he had made a misstep somewhere in the course of the day as Calum was on an entirely separate page. 

Ashton stopped him before he got to the door, a calloused hand on his cheek to get his attention.   
“It is a big deal. It’s huge fucking deal, we’ve been planning what was supposed to happen today for forever. It feels like grand theft.”

There was a sincerity in his voice that Calum couldn’t ignore, but he didn’t look at Ashton, eyes trained on the floor as if the hardwood was the most interesting thing in the world.

“I just want to go to bed.” 

And so they slept. 

* 

Into the next week, Calum receded as he seemingly distanced himself.   
He left the house without notice and came back without warning or explanation.

Ashton was starting to go crazy by the time their next show came up, because even on stage the tension between them was palpable.   
The fans noticed, and gave them space, as well as the boys. 

“For fucks sake, Calum, just talk to me!” 

They were standing in the living room, Calum holding his jacket in one hand and keys in the other.   
“You’re not leaving until we figure this out. You said you wanted to spend time with me but I haven’t seen you at all this week. I’ve been wanting to take you on a date to just be able to talk but you’re clearly avoiding me. So what is it? Is there someone else or do you think we aren’t going to work?” 

There was a visible quickening of Calum’s breath as he began to try and sort himself out.  
“Ash, no, I just-“ There was a crack in his voice.

It felt like rain in the midst of winter, freezing and harsh with the intent to kill.   
Ashton was upset, angry even, but ever caring and gentle.   
“Just talk to me, baby, that’s all you gotta do. I can’t fix the problem if I don’t know what the problem is.”   
His voice softened, the fight draining out of him quickly as he saw the walls in Calum’s eyes starting to go down.

“There’s no one else. It’s you. Always you.” Calum was frantically searching for something to cling to, something to express himself in a way that he felt words could not.   
His arms went up in a helpless gesture, and sad brown eyes stared at his boyfriend with dismay. 

“I just-“ Again, his voice cracked, a sign of the struggle he was trying to fight through. “I needed a minute to figure out if you still loved me the way I love you. You’re my whole fucking world and the fact that our anniversary was just..thrown out like it didn’t matter..” 

There was a silence after that, where Ashton studied the man in front of him.  
He was strong but looked so fragile with his eyebrows furrowed as he worried his lips with his teeth. In that moment, Ashton wanted to hold him but knew better. Calum might turn to dust if he tried, floating away from him in the wind. 

“Poppet, it matters. It means so much to both of us and I want to celebrate it. We’ve been together and been strong for years now.” 

Calum sighed as he sat his jacket on the couch, and tossed his keys on to the coffee table.   
“I just love you a lot, okay? I just needed some time to work it all out in my brain.” 

Calum often felt as though his mind were made of strings, all tangled up with different colors and variations that he couldn’t quite sort out. Ashton had been the one to help organize it, to put his thoughts in some type of order. After such a dismissive day, everything had felt scrambled and Calum felt alone to pick up fragments of yarn from the base of his skull. 

“You can talk to me about this stuff, Cal, you know that. Don’t just shut me out.” 

It was clear, even in his gentle tone, that Ashton was frustrated. His eyes were bright, the green in them almost seeming neon in the bright light of the lamps around the room.   
“I know, Ashy, but I feel like I can’t breathe without you half the time and I thought that maybe if I spent some time away that it wouldn’t hurt so fucking much.” 

“Then tell me that, and I’ll leave you be. I’ll let you go but I can’t sleep thinking that you’re angry with me, or that you’re out there doing god knows what and could get hurt. I just want you to be safe while you figure it out. I’ll always be here for you to come home to, but let me know that you’re gonna come home. I can’t keep just watching you leave and you not even stopping to say goodbye.” 

Calum’s eyes were searching the room, look in anywhere but Ashton.  
He looked almost ashamed, retreating back inside himself.  
“Fuck, I’m sorry.” 

All of a sudden, the flurry of emotions that Calum was giving off turned into anxiety ripping his chest to shreds.   
“I’m sorry about everything, for being upset and then not talking and then not tell you where I’m going, I’m sorry, fuck-“ 

The next few minutes were a blur to both of them, a flurry of tears and comfort exchanged between the two.   
Neither were quite sure how they ended up in bed, curled together on top of the sheets. 

Calum’s eyes were red rimmed and slightly puffy, and he wanted to hide from Ashton.   
He hated how much that this had blocked them from each other, yet thrived in his spot on Ashton’s chest. 

“Let me make it up to you.”  
Ashton’s voice was quiet, like wind moving clouds, so sickeningly sweet that Calum could feel the sugar in his bloodstream. 

“Let’s make it up to each other. Date for a date.” 

The smile that Ashton gave him was small but filed with such endearment that he thought he might melt.

“Date for a date.”

**Author's Note:**

> requests, my loves. requests.


End file.
